


You are my sunshine

by Butterfly_girl



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Angst, Bittersweet Ending, Depression, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-17
Updated: 2018-02-17
Packaged: 2019-03-19 15:41:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13707513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Butterfly_girl/pseuds/Butterfly_girl
Summary: Nyx has had a bad day and, this time, he's not sure if even Prompto can help him get through it.





	You are my sunshine

Nyx was having a particularly bad day. It seemed that he was having more and more days like these recently and he didn’t know why. When he thought about it, he knew that he should be happy. He had Prompto now, and it should have been impossible to feel so downbeat with him around. When they had first met, Nyx was drawn to his positive nature and contagious laughter, in the same way that everyone who met him seemed to be. He made Nyx feel less broken, less numb. More alive. And now…now, they were living together. Prompto loved Nyx for who the person he was- flaws and all. 

Nyx _knew_ all that, but something was still wrong. He didn’t know how to stop the negative feelings, which were only getting darker and more out of control, from encroaching into his thoughts, from taking over his mind, from fanning the flames of anger and frustration, causing it to intensify inside him until the pressure became unbearable. When it got that bad, like it was today, there was no other option but to let it all out. And of course, Prompto- loyal, caring, beautiful Prompto- was always there when that happened, was always the one who ended up bearing the brunt of his outbursts. Nyx knew it wasn’t fair but, no matter how hard he tried to keep these emotions locked away, tried to be a better person, a better boyfriend, he couldn’t stop himself. He wanted to change, but he didn’t know how. This was all he knew. And Prompto deserved better.

It was late by the time Nyx left the Citadel. Thick, dark clouds hung ominously in the sky, which was pitch-black with the exception of the twinkling of a solitary star that was brave enough to attempt to sneak through the blackness. It was cold and a sudden chill crept down Nyx’s spine, making him shiver. He pulled his jacket more tightly around himself, wishing for a moment that he had Prompto with him to keep him warm. He sighed. He felt exhausted, like he could just lie down where he was, curl into a ball and sleep for days. Maybe he would do that. Perhaps he’d be lucky enough to get so cold that his body just gave up on him, lucky enough to just never wake up… 

There they were again. Those negative thoughts. Nyx shook his head, as if the motion would clear his mind and allow him to think more clearly. He was nearly home and then he would have to see Prompto. He loved that man with all his heart, he really did. He just couldn’t bear thinking about how much he was hurting him. Prompto still smiled, still laughed, but there was a sadness to it now that Nyx knew was his fault. And it broke his heart to have to see it. 

By the time he walked into the apartment they shared, Nyx was close to tears. How had he let things get so bad? He wasn’t sure he saw a way out this time, a way to fix himself so that he and Prompto could be happy together. That was all he actually wanted, after all, but it seemed so far out of reach now that he wasn’t sure if he was even prepared to try when he was almost certain to fail. He didn’t know if he had the energy.

“Prom? I’m home. Where are you?” Nyx gently pushed the door closed behind him, setting his keys down on the table by the door. “Prom, are you here?” He heard a slight tremor in his voice as he spoke, an edge to it that was all too familiar these days. He let out another sigh of frustration as he roughly removed his jacket, hanging it on top of Prompto’s on a hook in the hallway before rubbing his arms vigorously in an attempt to warm up.

“Hey, babe. You’re late tonight.” Prompto emerged from the kitchen with _that_ smile on his face- the one that Nyx couldn’t resist. It wasn’t just the smile. It was the way it seemed so genuinely sweet, with just the right touch of shyness to it. It was the way it reached his eyes, causing the violet irises to twinkle and sparkle with happiness. It was the way it caused his cheeks to flush ever so slightly, making his freckles stand out against the pink tint that spread across his skin. Prompto’s smile was a ray of sunshine that could brighten even the darkest of nights and, in spite of the mood he was in, Nyx felt an unexpected warmth rush through his body.

“Sorry, Prom. Long day,” Nyx murmured, trudging past his lover without making eye contact and into the living room, where he sat down to unlace his boots, pulling them off one at a time. His whole body ached. His limbs felt heavy and his muscles stiff, and every movement seemed to be such an effort. Nyx moved his head from side to side, trying to ease some of the discomfort in his neck.

“Let me help with that babe.” Nyx wasn’t sure it was possible to hear a smile- surely that was something that you saw rather than heard- but there was definitely joy in Prompto’s voice as he spoke, a hint of playfulness perhaps too. Prompto wasn’t asking to help because he felt sorry for him, or because he felt that he had to. He was asking out of love, that much Nyx was sure of. But he was also sure that it was love that he didn’t deserve. He felt Prompto’s hands grasp his shoulders firmly, but with a gentleness to his touch that made Nyx go weak with the intensity of the sensation; even after a year together, he still wasn’t used to being touched with such kindness. Although he tried to allow himself to relax into it, as Prompto began massaging his shoulders, Nyx’s irritation began to build again. He didn’t deserve such tenderness. He shrugged Prompto off angrily, reaching up to physically remove the blonde’s hands from where they caressed his neck, pulling them off and pushing his lover away. He must have used more force than he intended, as Prompto stumbled back slightly, a shocked and- though it hurt Nyx to admit it to himself- slightly frightened expression on his face. 

“You don’t have to. Really. I’m fine.” Nyx could hear the frustration rising in his voice, a stark contrast to the goodnatured frivolity he had heard only moments earlier. He turned his face away from Prompto, looking down as he fiddled angrily with the laces of his boots which now lay on the floor next to him. He already felt guilty about how he was speaking to his lover. He wasn’t sure he could keep his emotions under control tonight- he was going to snap, if not now then definitely at some point in the not too distant future. And then he would lose the only thing in the world that mattered to him. He would lose Prompto.

“Nyx…is something wrong? It’s just…you seem tense?” Prompto knelt down in front of him, placing his hands on Nyx’s knees and giving them a gentle, almost reassuring squeeze. Concern was etched across his face as he looked up, eyes no longer sparkling with joy and laughter, a sadness there that caused tears to prick at the corners of Nyx’s eyes. He had caused that expression. He had taken the laughter away, just as he always did. “Please, let me help you.” Prompto reached up to stroke the side of Nyx’s head, lacing his fingers in with his braids and gently scratching his scalp in a way that usually soothed Nyx’s anger and annoyance.

Nyx put his head in his hands so that his face was hidden from view, partly so that he wouldn’t have to see that expression on his lover’s face and partly to rub away the tears before Prompto realised that he was crying.

“Sorry Prom. You are too good to me. You know that, right?” Nyx heard the trembling in his voice that gave away how close to tears he was and he hated himself for it. Why couldn’t he just be happy for once? He ran his hands over his eyes one last time before moving one hand to touch the side of his lover’s face. Prompto was so beautiful, so innocent-looking, so kind and gentle- he would never hurt anyone, that much was clear to everyone who knew him. So how had he ended up with someone like Nyx? Someone damaged in ways that couldn’t be fixed. Someone who hurt those he loved no matter how hard he tried. 

“I love you, Nyx. All of you. Why won’t you let me?” There was a quiver in Prompto’s voice as a single tear ran down his cheek. Gods, he was beautiful when he cried, even when his eyes were red and slightly swollen as they were now. Nyx deftly swept the tear away from his lover’s face with his hand, using his fingers to tenderly trace the freckles that dotted his cheeks.

“Prom…I’m not good for you. I’ll only hurt you.” He looked away again, reluctantly pulling his hand away from Prompto’s face and running it through his own hair. He couldn’t look into those eyes. Not now. He knew he would only see hurt and confusion, and he couldn’t bear it.

“Is that your tactic? Is that how you scare people away?” Prompto’s voice was louder now and there was a hint of anger that Nyx had never heard before. He hadn’t imagined that his little angel- perpetually positive and optimistic- was capable of being angry. He stood up, removing his hand from his knee and turning his back on Nyx as he took a deep breath. “Answer me one thing, Nyx, just one thing. Do you love me?”

Did he love him? Of course he did! That was why he was saying this in the first place, why he was giving Prompto a way out. He couldn’t keep hurting him like this. He didn’t want the man he loved to become like him- lonely and empty and depressed. More that anybody, he deserved a life of happiness. Even if that meant that Nyx had to let him go. Prompto turned again to look at him, an expression on his face that Nyx didn’t quite recognise.

“Yes, more than anything.” The words that escaped Nyx’s lips were barely a whisper. “But it isn’t enough, is it? You shouldn’t be with someone like me. You deserve so much more, Prom. I want so much more for you.” Nyx dared to lift his eyes to meet Prompto’s and immediately wished that he hadn’t. They were full of tears, which were now cascading out and down his cheeks like a never-ending waterfall. Nyx could see his lover’s chest heaving as silent sobs racked though his body, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and wrap him in a loving embrace, whispering a thousand apologies into his ear, promising to change. But he couldn’t. It wasn’t fair. “I can’t change, Prom. I don’t know how. I’m just…I’m broken…” His voice trailed off this time. He just couldn’t find the words. Gods, he didn’t even really know what he was trying to say!

“I don’t want you to change. Please, Nyx. You have to understand. I love you the way you are!” Prompto was kneeling in front of him again now and had taken his hands, grasping them tightly in his own, the soft warmth of his lover’s skin such a contrast to his own rough, calloused palms. There was desperation in his voice as he clung to Nyx, his face glistening as the light reflected off his tears.

“I don’t understand. How can you? I’m such a mess. How can I possibly make you happy?”

Prompto leant forward so that their foreheads were touching, their faces so close that Nyx could taste the salty tears that now streaked both sets of cheeks. Silky strands of blonde hair tickled Nyx’s ears as Prompto wrapped his arms around his neck, pushing the braids out of the way so that he could massage the back of his head. It felt comforting, reassuring somehow, to have his lover so close to him.

“Babe, I love you. You _do_ make me happy. I know it won’t be easy but please let me try to make you as happy as you make me,” Prompto murmured softly into his ear, the sound of his voice like the beautiful melody of a music box, seeming to lull Nyx’s anger and frustration to sleep. Nyx knew it wouldn’t be gone forever but he was rid of it for now at least. 

“Oh Prom. I’m not sure I was made for happiness…” he replied sadly, placing his own arms around Prompto’s waist and pulling him towards him, holding him tightly as if he was afraid to let him go.

“Everyone deserves happiness, Nyx. Especially you.”

“Well then, maybe…maybe you could help me?” Nyx let his lips drift over Prompto’s, brushing against them with the most gentle of touches before pulling back slightly and moving his hands, once again, to Prompto’s face, pushing the blonde hair, slightly damp from tears, away from his forehead and staring into his eyes.

“I love you, Nyx. You are what I want. And love is enough. It has to be…”

And for the first time in days, Nyx felt a small smile form on his face. Maybe happiness was not as far from his grasp as he had thought. Perhaps, as Prompto had said, love was enough after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to all those who read, comment and encourage me to keep writing. It is appreciated more than you realise <3
> 
>  
> 
> [Come and chat on tumblr](https://butterfly-girl86.tumblr.com/)


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